Dear friends,
Tim completed treatment cycle three of six on Monday, October 17, and was scanned the following day. The results of the scan were given to us, by Tim's Oncologist, on Friday, October 21.
The scan revealed that the chemotherapy was not successful. Tim's Oncologist reported that the tumor remains unchanged. However, he informed us that additional nodules were found in Tim's lungs and that some had increased in size since the last scan. Based on the scans and his expertise, Tim's Oncologist felt that the cancer has spread to Tim's lungs. Tim's Oncologist recommended that we pursue a clinical trial, as was previously recommended by a specialist in LA. We have met with a Sarcoma doctor in Santa Monica to explore clinical trials and we are also seeking other treatment options.
Although the news were not good, we continue to put our trust in our Lord and ask Him to guide us and give us the strength we need. We continue to be thankful for your prayers and support and we are especially happy that you will be joining us on November 5th, for Tim's birthday party,to celebrate love and friendship.
(please e-mail me if you have not received the e-vite)
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Monday, October 3, 2011
SAVE THE DATE!!!
We will be celebrating Tim's 34th birthday
on Saturday, November 5th, 11:00 am to 3:00 pm.
Come offer Tim your support and encouragement as as he continues the fight!
EVERYONE IS WELCOME!
Formal invitation with details to follow.
Please send me your e-mail or mailing address, if you haven't already,
to be included in this event!
Thank you for your continued prayers!
Monday, September 19, 2011
Where do we go from here?
I wrote this last week but didn't post it. I seem to be doing more of those "not for sharing" type posts lately. I realize it has been a while since I communicate with you and I am sorry for that. I know you are anxious to know what's going on and I just haven't let you in.
Last month, while Katie and I were spending some quality time together, she made a comment to me that tore my heart to pieces. I considered not sharing this with anyone, but can't ignore the fact that this incident depicts clearly the feeling we have been silently struggling with for some time.
While having a meal together, Katie looked at me in the eyes and asked: "Is Daddy going to be OK?" I stared back into her eyes, while trying to maintain my composure and replied: "I don't know!" I took a deep breath and continued saying: "We just have to remember that God is with us! We have to keep praying and trust it will be OK." Katie took a couple of bites and then said: "Well, I hope so because... you know what would be so sad? If the first funeral I attend, ever, would have to be for my own Dad."
We have searched high and low for options but end up right back where we started. For the last eight months, Tim's Oncologist has done all that he can in an attempt to find a treatment that works in our favor. But so far the treatment has not responded as we hoped in shrinking the tumor and/or destroying the cancer cells.
Tim's diagnosis and treatment pattern have been confirmed by several specialists. They tell us that the reason Tim is not getting better is not as a result of incorrect treatment or diagnosis, but the rarity of his tumor. They say that in order for Tim to be cured, the tumor has to be surgically removed. But it can't be done unless the tumor is reduced in size.
Just recently, we met and consulted with a Sarcoma specialist in LA. He took a lot of time explaining Tim's tumor and how it has affected his body and so forth. He mentioned some possible treatment scenarios and then added an important fact that we don't recall hearing before. He said that the type of cancer Tim has is not likely to shrink with chemo since the cancer cells are bone-producing.
Now, could it be that I am misunderstanding the facts that have been presented to us by different doctors at different times? Could it be that I have failed Tim and my girls by spending so much time and effort looking for a cure for Tim in all the wrong places? Or has my lack of aggressively pursuing alternate treatments cheated Tim from being cured? Or could it be that the system is cheating us by not making a cure that may exist available to us now? I don't know! I really don't know what the answer to any of these questions are. Nor do I have a clue as to how to proceed.
I wish I could say my faith and optimism are strong. But, they are pretty shaken up at the moment. So rather than letting myself and my family fall into the depths of defeat and depression, I will focus on our blessings.
We are thankful for the care that all of the doctors and nurses have given to Tim so far. We are thankful for family and friends; for your love, friendship, and prayers that keep us going. We are thankful for all the selfless acts of kindness that many of you have done for us. Especially those of you who have done so without even knowing us personally. If we have learned anything from our struggle over the last few months, is that love exists, people do care, and God is always near.
I don't know what our future holds, but I do know we want it to involve all of you. I am planning a party to celebrate Tim's 34th birthday in November. My wish is that this party is a huge celebration of life and friendship. I would love for all of our family, friends, and our new friends who have played any role in Tim's care directly or indirectly, to join us! If you are not in my e-mail distribution list and do not automatically receive post updates from me, please send me your e-mail address so I can add you to the e-Vite list for party details.
May God bless you all!
Last month, while Katie and I were spending some quality time together, she made a comment to me that tore my heart to pieces. I considered not sharing this with anyone, but can't ignore the fact that this incident depicts clearly the feeling we have been silently struggling with for some time.
While having a meal together, Katie looked at me in the eyes and asked: "Is Daddy going to be OK?" I stared back into her eyes, while trying to maintain my composure and replied: "I don't know!" I took a deep breath and continued saying: "We just have to remember that God is with us! We have to keep praying and trust it will be OK." Katie took a couple of bites and then said: "Well, I hope so because... you know what would be so sad? If the first funeral I attend, ever, would have to be for my own Dad."
We have searched high and low for options but end up right back where we started. For the last eight months, Tim's Oncologist has done all that he can in an attempt to find a treatment that works in our favor. But so far the treatment has not responded as we hoped in shrinking the tumor and/or destroying the cancer cells.
Tim's diagnosis and treatment pattern have been confirmed by several specialists. They tell us that the reason Tim is not getting better is not as a result of incorrect treatment or diagnosis, but the rarity of his tumor. They say that in order for Tim to be cured, the tumor has to be surgically removed. But it can't be done unless the tumor is reduced in size.
Just recently, we met and consulted with a Sarcoma specialist in LA. He took a lot of time explaining Tim's tumor and how it has affected his body and so forth. He mentioned some possible treatment scenarios and then added an important fact that we don't recall hearing before. He said that the type of cancer Tim has is not likely to shrink with chemo since the cancer cells are bone-producing.
Now, could it be that I am misunderstanding the facts that have been presented to us by different doctors at different times? Could it be that I have failed Tim and my girls by spending so much time and effort looking for a cure for Tim in all the wrong places? Or has my lack of aggressively pursuing alternate treatments cheated Tim from being cured? Or could it be that the system is cheating us by not making a cure that may exist available to us now? I don't know! I really don't know what the answer to any of these questions are. Nor do I have a clue as to how to proceed.
I wish I could say my faith and optimism are strong. But, they are pretty shaken up at the moment. So rather than letting myself and my family fall into the depths of defeat and depression, I will focus on our blessings.
We are thankful for the care that all of the doctors and nurses have given to Tim so far. We are thankful for family and friends; for your love, friendship, and prayers that keep us going. We are thankful for all the selfless acts of kindness that many of you have done for us. Especially those of you who have done so without even knowing us personally. If we have learned anything from our struggle over the last few months, is that love exists, people do care, and God is always near.
I don't know what our future holds, but I do know we want it to involve all of you. I am planning a party to celebrate Tim's 34th birthday in November. My wish is that this party is a huge celebration of life and friendship. I would love for all of our family, friends, and our new friends who have played any role in Tim's care directly or indirectly, to join us! If you are not in my e-mail distribution list and do not automatically receive post updates from me, please send me your e-mail address so I can add you to the e-Vite list for party details.
May God bless you all!
Monday, August 22, 2011
Thank you!
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| Our girls bring joy to our life! |
Just a quick note to acknowledge and thank you all of you for your comments and e-mails in response to my posts. Your words mean a lot to us and give us much needed strength and comfort. Thank you also for continuing to spread the word about Tim and asking your friends to pray for us. It is this way that God works to find us the help we need.
Love always!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Guessing Games.
I have not felt like writing on the blog lately, nor have I felt like talking to or seeing anyone. Often times, I write page after page that turn out not to be blog material. But it is after I write those pages out of anger, frustration, defeat, hurt, and desperation that I am able to see things from a different perspective. Now, as I write this post, I realize I have not yet written enough venting pages, so I apologize for pouring onto you some of my untamed emotions.
On Tuesday, August 9, Tim had a biopsy and by Friday, August 12, his Oncologist reported that the pathology results showed that the cancer was unchanged. "Exactly the Same." There are no traces of dead cancer cells or scar tissue and the cell activity is identical to the previous biopsies. This could mean that either: 1) the chemo and radiation are merely containing the tumor, or 2) that neither the chemo nor radiation have been successful and the cancer has not grown or metastasized because it is such a slow growing tumor. Tim's Oncologist added that based on the non-responsiveness of the cancer to the treatments, Tim's cancer could very well be a Chondrosarcoma.
"HEAVY SIGH!"
And so...as we continue to play this guessing game...Tim will begin yet another type of outpatient chemo this Friday, August 19 for a total of 6 cycles. Each cycle consists of Gemzar® to be administered on day 1 followed by a combination of Gemzar® and Taxotere® administered on day 8. This treatment will be done 3 times before he is rescanned and the treatments completed. In the meantime, Tim continues to increase the dose of his medication as his pain intensifies. And I continue to feel helpless as I watch him struggle with his pain and discomfort.
Tim has undergone numerous treatments that have debilitated him and changed him inside and out. I just miss HIM. I miss MY TIMMY and more than anything, I miss ME. It crushes me to see Tim suffer so much and to see him trying to be tough and put a smile on his face for the girls and guests. It pains me that as much as I try to be strong, I am actually quite broken and can't provide any comfort to Tim. I spend my days ignoring my tiredness and numbing my feelings just so I can get through the everyday motions of my dull days: work, house chores, meals, kids activities, and the kids' demands of my time and attention. I have been running on empty for much too long and just don't know how much more I can continue to do so.
As I laid in bed last night, I remembered a scene from the movie, Forrest Gump, in which he suddenly stands and takes off running. Forrest runs for a long time, across the country and until he releases his frustration and makes peace with himself. Though, I felt the urge to get up and run, I thought, if I get up...I may never come back!
I am constantly put to the test, especially during my weakest moments. I feel evil attack me and weigh me down as I struggle to stay focused and grasp on to my faith.
Although I am not feeling strong, I choose to continue to carry my cross, as Tim carries his, with the Lord on our side until God's Will be done!
"HEAVY SIGH!"
And so...as we continue to play this guessing game...Tim will begin yet another type of outpatient chemo this Friday, August 19 for a total of 6 cycles. Each cycle consists of Gemzar® to be administered on day 1 followed by a combination of Gemzar® and Taxotere® administered on day 8. This treatment will be done 3 times before he is rescanned and the treatments completed. In the meantime, Tim continues to increase the dose of his medication as his pain intensifies. And I continue to feel helpless as I watch him struggle with his pain and discomfort.
Tim has undergone numerous treatments that have debilitated him and changed him inside and out. I just miss HIM. I miss MY TIMMY and more than anything, I miss ME. It crushes me to see Tim suffer so much and to see him trying to be tough and put a smile on his face for the girls and guests. It pains me that as much as I try to be strong, I am actually quite broken and can't provide any comfort to Tim. I spend my days ignoring my tiredness and numbing my feelings just so I can get through the everyday motions of my dull days: work, house chores, meals, kids activities, and the kids' demands of my time and attention. I have been running on empty for much too long and just don't know how much more I can continue to do so.
As I laid in bed last night, I remembered a scene from the movie, Forrest Gump, in which he suddenly stands and takes off running. Forrest runs for a long time, across the country and until he releases his frustration and makes peace with himself. Though, I felt the urge to get up and run, I thought, if I get up...I may never come back!
I am constantly put to the test, especially during my weakest moments. I feel evil attack me and weigh me down as I struggle to stay focused and grasp on to my faith.
Although I am not feeling strong, I choose to continue to carry my cross, as Tim carries his, with the Lord on our side until God's Will be done!
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Being Thankful
Hello family and friends,
I do not have much to report on Tim's treatment at this time. Tim's Oncologist has recommended that another biopsy be done to determine what we are up against. Scar tissue/dead cancer cells? Or active cancer cells which are not going to let us win without a good fight? The biopsy results will determine if Tim should continue treatments as previously planned or if a different plan is best. I will report on this as soon as I know something specific.
For now, I would like to shift my attention and use this post to contemplate on the good things that have come out of the bad.
We would like to take the time to be thankful for all the kindness that we have experienced during these very difficult times. We have witnessed God's wonderful work all around us and we have received many blessings through all of you. We have experienced kindness from our family, our friends, and even from total strangers. You have reached out and helped us despite the fact that we have nothing to give to you in return.
We would like to take the time to be thankful for all the kindness that we have experienced during these very difficult times. We have witnessed God's wonderful work all around us and we have received many blessings through all of you. We have experienced kindness from our family, our friends, and even from total strangers. You have reached out and helped us despite the fact that we have nothing to give to you in return.
After Tim's last treatment, he had to stay at his parents' home because the girls were sick and were taking antibiotics. When Tim was due back, some of our wonderful neighbors got together and mowed our front lawn and made it all nice. Even the younger kids helped babysit Maegan so I could get other things done.
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| Darrin mowing our lawn |
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| Kiley, Pete, & Darrin raking the leaves |
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| The babysitters: Meghan and Emily playing with little Maegan |
On different occasions, friends have mowed our lawn while we are not home so that we can come back to a nice cut lawn. They don't say a word, but we know who came by. Other times we find meals and treats left by friends at our door, or nice cards with encouraging words in our mailbox.
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| Our meal, dessert, and even fun goodies for the girls. |
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| Friends at St. John Fisher |
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| Friends at Johnson Controls |
We are grateful for all you have done for us. We are thankful for those of you who show us your support in other ways. Those who think of us and pray for us daily and who invite others to join. It is what you do for us, even if you feel is too small to mean anything, that mean more to us than we could ever say in words. Your kind gestures give us comfort when we are discouraged, love when we feel abandoned, and re-energize us when we feel like we just can't go on.
Prayer is powerful! It keeps people together and brings out so much love and compassion in us.
Prayer is powerful! It keeps people together and brings out so much love and compassion in us.
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| The Statue of the Blessed Mother is visiting our home for the week. |
Let's continue to pray for all of us and for so many others who have yet to experience God's love and mercy.
Thank you!
Monday, July 25, 2011
No Change...
It is with great disappointment that I share these news. Tim's Oncologist reported "no change." The tumor as quoted in the impression is: "8.4 x 10.2 x 14 cm posterior mediastinal/anterior paraspinal mass in the mid and lower chest, displacing mediastinal structures anteriorly and resulting in cortical destruction of the T8, T9 and T10 vertebral bodies."
So what's next? A total of four more treatments of Etoposide and Ifex. However, they will have to wait until Tim is stronger. A follow-up appointment on August 3 will determine when treatments will begin.
We were left with two possible explanations of why the tumor's size is unchanged: 1) there may be scar tissue due to radiation or 2) the chemo is merely containing it. Tim will be rescanned after two treatments and if there are no signs of regression, the last two treatments will follow. After the four treatments are completed, Tim will be rescanned once more and monitored for any traces of cancer.
What this all means? Your guess is as good as mine! Neither good or bad news, I guess. We left the appointment feeling disappointed and confused. However, even though we did not obtain the good news we were hoping for, news that would give us the needed strength and encouragement to continue the journey, we remain faithful that it will all be OK at the end. We have nowhere else to go then forward. With that in mind I will end my post this way:
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| Katie turned 11 on Friday! |
Beach Cities Relay For Life Cancer Walk 2011
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| Dancing! |
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| A lap in support of Daddy |
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| Fight Cancer! |
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| Words of encouragement! |
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| Go Tim! |
Luminarias
Thank you to all of you who have stuck with us and taken the time to support us and encourage us despite your busy schedules and the hustles of everyday life! It means more than words could say.
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